You know...All I want right now, is to be.....

excited about life again.

Sure life can't be a bed of roses or it could be if you considered the thorns roses have..... but....

despite everything, I want to be excited about life again.

It's just like how one of my friend put it so aptly, I want to feel as if the world is 'full of hope' again.

I love that feeling.

I used to have it.

Now..... it's just like a plateau.

Like this.

_________________________________________________________________

Why? I am not sure.

Tsk. Oh wells.

C'est la vie!

By the way, I thought this was felt only by people in their 30s.

Like during their mid-life crisis or something.

WOW.

It CAME EARLY.

(haha!)

Anyways.......

I can't stand not knowing.

Or the inability to understand why.

I just can't stand not knowing the answer to which questions I see myself constantly living out.

Can't. stand. it.

CANNOT TAKE IT.

But apparently, I read somewhere that......

When we want to know the answers so badly, we shortchange ourselves of an opportunity to trust God.

Yup... (nods head)

That was powerful.

Sigh.

Just gotta, to quote my favourite disney show,

"keep the faith.......cause it's all about the climb".

Life is a climb. But the view's great.

Question of the Hour

Wonder if I can train myself to listen to 2 people talking at once. One at each ear.
Always wondered why we couldn't process 2 people talking at once, considering we have 2 ears and 2 parts of the brain. I am sure this can be learnt. Shall try. (haha!) and I'll tell you how that goes.

O yes, btw, have you heard....?
MY. PROMOS. ARE. OVER.
(does happy dance)

this line caught my attention

"you're such an ugly thing for someone so beautiful...." - naive, the kooks.

And all of a sudden....

2011 came and took me by surprise.
Nothing made sense in 2011.
Nothing, absolutely nothing.
Not anything in life nor life in itself.

everyday was a chore.
every moment, an agony.
it was like.... a pain just to be alive.
counting down the hours in school... and even till the end of the day.
every day had no new beginning, every night gave no rest.
days just slipped past.
i never knew what day of the year it was/is. never.
for once, time felt like a continuum.
like i was stuck in this continuum of pain and trouble.
like it was some sort of black hole, all-consuming, demanding everything of me
completely sucked my innards out of me. and in more ways than one.
personality. who i was/am. beliefs. perception of the world. Creation. Creator.
and what any of that really meant in the grand scheme of things.
Suddenly everything i thought i knew of life and everything in it was being deconstructed.
and it was painful.
by gosh did it hurt. still hurts.

and i had to rebuild.

2011 was/is exhausting. no doubt.

but here i am alive, not well, but alive nonetheless.
barely.

i honestly don't know what to make out of all of this.
maybe 10 years down the road i will come, scroll through this blog, find this post and have a good laugh.
maybe. maybe.

ah well, all in good time yes?
and until any of this makes sense....... we'll just keep moving on.
we've just got to soldier on. (as coldplay sings in Lovers in Japan)
while we hang onto the promise that one day the sun will come out



the display of glory outside my window

have no idea what this song means.

maybe it isn't supposed to mean anything, like those little sayings on those 'made in china' stationery... 'life is lucky' or 'dear friend i wish you happiness' (okay maybe i can't do it but you get what i mean) supposed to sound profound but really meaning nothing. (HAHAHA)

Yes.

ever seen those kind of stationery before?

anyways, whatever the case....
this song is pretty friggin awesome.
love the vibes it gives and the video is so tastefully done. PLUS (almost forgot)
Jared Leto's eyes. omg. eyes that would have made hitler proud.

Soooooooo................ i was late for school for the tenth-thousandth time and it went something like this...

Okay so maybe the discipline teacher wasn't indian and I never got expelled....
but the first few lines... wow man... i've gotta say, SURE DO SOUND FAMILIAR.

I love this song.

I'm not surprised
Not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times
I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in,
I talk myself out.
I get all worked up
Then I let myself down.

I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid that I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

Mmmmm ....

I might have to wait
I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing
And the other half's luck
Wherever you are
Whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And baby your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

Hmmmmm ......

And somehow I know that it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

They say all's fair
In love and war
But I won't need to fight it
We'll get it by it
We'll be united

And I know that we can be so amazing
And being in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility

Hmmm .....

And someday I know it'll all turn out
And I'll work to work it out
Promise you kid I'll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get!

Oh you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid to give so much more than I get
Yeah I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet
Oh promise you kid
To give so much more than I get

I said love love love love love love love .....
I just haven't met you yet
Love love love .....
I just haven't met you yet

Can't believe Buble got married.
They look so unbelievably good together.

We need a Saviour

because we need to be saved from ourselves.
we are our worst enemy, hell bent on self-destruction and we dont even see it because we are blinded by the belief that we know what is best for us. we think we are in control. in control of us.
But, we are not.
we are so not.
how could we possibly be.... when we dont even know who we are completely and what we are actually capable of?

the world needs a Saviour.
The world needs Salvation.
we just need to realise it.
and the sooner we do.
the better.
the less destruction and more re-construction.

rebuild, rebuild.

24th August Wednesday

you can't give Him that which costs you nothing.

P is for Peculiar. P is for Priscilla.

I always thought it was funny to pronounce your own name. Priscilla.
Urgh. Weird.
Dont you?

Anyways, random thoughts for this space since i can't sleep anyways..... warning very incoherent.

1. I like peculiar smells like the insides of a book, (hot of the press!), the library, when you first switch on the air-con and most recently, the insides of a taxi (which is funny cause i used to hate this... a lot. it used to give me a headache. I guess it's an acquired taste. Haha!)

2. i can't spell for nuts.

3. i dont actually get how cancer kills someone.

4. i like reading maps. makes me feel so... certain. like i-know-where-everything-is-kind of certainty. (oh yes which reminds me i should get a world map tomorrow. been wanting to have one since.... this year. cant stand not knowing where, what is where)

5. the pupil 2 on channel 5 is REALLY GOOD go watch it. my favourite actress REBECCA LIM puts up a formidable performance. really good, really natural. I hope i meet her someday.

6. I have met rui en before, in the most unlikely of time and places with the most unlikely people, since anyways we were on the topic of human illuminaries (stars)

7. i invent my own words. like illumniaries. haha. and i think i am pretty cool that way. YUP. 8)

8. i keep reading systemic as systematic. yes there's a difference.

9. i just studied for my cuban missile crisis test tomorrow and now have a new conspiracy theory about the U.S.

10. Learned a new word "hullabaloo" in GP class today. it means... er.... haha.... hmmm..... oh yes it means hype. so its like, i dont get whats all the hullabaloo over GOSSIP GIRL. ooh burn. yes. sorry.. greys anatomy FTW.

11. is 'learnt' even a word?

12. i am bored writing this. i am gonna zzz now... bye. zzzzzzzzzzz

Love the lyrics to this song.

Traffic crawls, cell phone calls
Talk radio screams at me through my tinted window I see
A little girl, rust red minivan, shes got chocolate on her face
Got little hands and she waves at me
Yeah, she smiles at me

Well, hello world
How you been
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel cold as steel
Broken like Im never gonna heal
And I see a light, a little hope in a little girl
Hello world

Every day I drive by a little white church
Its got these little white crosses
Like angels in the yard
Maybe I should stop on in, say a prayer
Maybe talk to God like He is there
Oh, I know He's there
Yeah, I know He's there

Well hello world
How you been
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel as cold as steel
And broken like Im never gonna heal
And I see a light, a little grace, a little faith unfurls
Well hello world

Sometimes I forget what livings for
And I hear my life through my front door
And I breathe it in
Oh, Im home again
And I see my wife
Little boy and little girl
Hello world
Hello world

Well the empty disappears
I remember why Im here
Just surrender and believe
I fall down on my knees
Well hello world
Hello world
Hello world

HILAROUS.

if this is not funny i dont know what is. She's like the epitome of awkwardness.
Mmmm... kinda reminds me of myself. hahahha!

my wedding song

I think this would be such a good wedding song, no?
Instead of the usual... canon in D (which i still will play cause i like it too) haha.
But this is.... really good..... sooo... good...
"Today, this could be... the greatest day of our lives....stay close to me....watch the world come alive tonight.....tonight this could be the greatest night of our lives....let's make a new start... the future is ours to find....can you see it.... can you see it in my eyes..... can you feel it now..... can you hold it in your arms tonight....hold on.... hold your head high....yeah the world starts to come alive when you stay close to me....."

how is this not the best wedding song EVER?!?

cambodia

I. Cannot. Wait. To. Go.
So my school has this GP trip to Cambodia... and I hope i get to go, really.
It will be such an adventure!
And who knows i might even get to see Angelina Jolie! ;)))) AND BRAD PITT AND HER FAMILY OF 6 thousand adopted kids but you know.. just saying.

Anyways i've realised i havent blogged in forever.
And therefore this space is kinda.... dead.
Haha.
Oops. sorry.
I am sorry blog i didnt mean for you to die, I just have been rather... uninspired lately and everyone knows you cant blog when you arent inspired. Its like writing a book with no story to tell.

Wow. Thats such a nice saying. I wonder how i come up with these things. (HAHA)
Anyways.... So yeap i really do hope i get selected to go to cam. What an experience it would be.
I really really want to see 3rd world.
I seen a pretty good deal of 1st world nations (HI I AM SINGAPOREAN).. i've been to Japan...
So i really want to see 3rd world and all of its natural beauty... the people... hear the language... smell their food.... touch their hearts.

So because i was all inspired and all... i went to google cambodia. (haha)
I read briefly on wiki.
Pretty sad story.
War-torn nation.
Landmines etc.
I just can't wait to experience their unexplainable joy despite their suffering.
I think it'll be pretty amazing.
EPIC.
AIR-PIG.
Bye guys. see yall soon (hopefully)
BTW going browhaus @ holland v with my new brow buddy now. (MY BROTHERRR HAHAHAH)

ciaaaoooo!

there is no band on earth (or at least that i have heard) that is as Hopeful as Switchfoot.

"When everything inside me looks like everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change             
You are the only chance I'll take"

- On Fire Switchfoot