'Kopped' from Someone else's blog.....

I think I was googling for images of random things when i serendipitously stumbled on this person's blog. I really like her blog. (I think it's a her)
And this post, this one post spoke to me because it is exactly how I feel, and she put it so... so... so... (okay not to sound mercenary-ish but) she is right on the money.

So.
If by some random stroke of serendipity, you (the author) so happenstancely are reading this...
Please don't sue me or anything. I have credited you and you should be honoured on the contrary that I am reposting your post because it has touched someone else's life (mine namely and possibly the next person reading this other than me).

Alright, enough disclaimering, here is the post:

God is not a vegetable.

Posted in epiphany tiffany, handfuls of ambition, pin the tail on the love by enisea on 02/09/2011

As sunshine began streaming through the cold glass windows of our lounge room, so too did revelation. As I wrote on a blank new page this fine second morning of Spring, the flow of my thoughts and ink were, by habit, about to write: Be my everything (out of some frustrated lack of desire and understanding). Yet it occurred to me that my everything has never been enough, my everything is lacking, my everything is deprived and deficient. I definitely need more than my everything if I want life to be richer and fuller. It made me realise I had been treating God as though He were as good for me as vegetables. Though I go through binge periods of glutton faced junk and pointless gorging, I always return to ‘incorporating’ vegetables into the diet because I know they’re good for me, I don’t know the nitty gritty of how the different nutrients within each vegetable is absorbed, processed and then assists my body in functioning healthily, but I know it’s good for my insides and consequently also, my outsides. So, previously, I may have sounded like an ‘advocate’ for something of a ‘healthy lifestyle’, reducing the sovereignty or transcendence of incredible God to simply being convinced that everyone would be healthier with Him in life. Sure, of late, I’ve begun to actually enjoy vegetables – but if I really wanted to discover a wonderful reality and relationship, God needs to be more than just “a healthy thing that I appreciate”.

So, I suppose, little by little I’m peeling back the shades of my young understanding to reveal very gradually the brilliance of reality – that God isn’t just good for making me a healthier person, character wise. He is the essence of life and life to the full. So in appropriate response to this, to Him, the most I can manage to return is worship – unconfined to music and dance, but in spirit and in truth, and through and through – that which will become instinctual but that which will definitely cost me. But really, what is cost when life is free?

Far be it from me to offer to my greatest lover, my most generous giver, that which costs me nothing.

Hear hear.

it's that time of the year again when i start to get all reflective....

Wow.
2011.
I have never ever learnt so much before in a year. 365 days (okay maybe not 365 since the year's not over yet but....ya you get what i mean i am sure)

And the funny thing is, you don't plan to learn, you just do. As with most things in life, it. just. happens.
Life sure has a funny way of making you learn. Of making you grow.
Maybe because if we were given a choice, we naturally, being comfortable-with-status-quo-humans-scared-completely-out-of-our-wits-of-the-unknown, wouldn't want to grow.
Why?
Because true growth invariably means pain.
Yes. Pain, as in suffering as in.... it, hurts.
And sometimes, real bad. Like you never knew you could hurt this bad.
And who likes pain really....
If you do, you simple aren't human.
But by golly, how. pain. makes. you. grow.

I can fully and honestly say that as of 17 years of life on this earth, I have not gone through a year more painful than 2011.
And this also means that I have never gone through a year where I have learnt so much... so much about life, love, faith, friendship, relationship and all that really is truly important in life.
I have never felt myself grow this much.
I guess.... my maturity finally caught up to my height. (ha-ha)

I never questioned so furiously before, never thought so long and hard before, never felt so low before and never struggled so fiercely in my life before.
But really, through it all (am still journeying... not totally out of the woods yet. haha) I realised that it has brought me to a greater, deeper and a more real understanding of myself.
It will really tear you up when you realise that all that was previously assumed (and we really assume a lot of things in life) was what it was.... really just an assumption, not the truth.

I guess this is what it means to grow up.
To slowly deconstruct, forcefully strip away or to tear down the assumptions of life, and all that was built upon it so that reconstruction can take place. We need to rebuild.
To rebuild with the Truth as the anchor. As the foundation. As the solid ground on which we build our lives on.
The truth of who we are.
We need to replace ignorance with knowledge.
Bitterness with forgiveness.
Sorrow with Joy.
Skeptism with Faith.
Apathy with Empathy
Despair with Hope.
And of course, the greatest amongst these,
to replace fear of the unknown in life, with Love.
With Love, you have complete security.
There is no fear in love for Perfect Love drives out all fear. (seriously gospel Truth)
And obviously, perfection can never ever be found amongst humanity, it has to come from something, Someone bigger than us.

This is the part where we relearn how to live life.
How to truly live life beyond the physical.
Beyond the contraction and relaxation of the diaphragm and the intercoastal muscles...
Because there will come a time whether now or later that you will inevitably wonder what those involuntary actions actually mean, what are we physically alive for..............
This is the part where we learn how to live out a meaning, purpose and a destiny.
(whoa starting to sound like an adam khoo but yeah....)

I love this song.
The lyrics are so good. so meaningful. so apt for this season in life.
It goes like this.....

"Hello, good morning, how you do?
  What makes your rising sun so new?
  I could use a fresh beginning too
  All of my regrets are nothing new
  So this is the way that I say I need You
  This is the way
  This is the way that I'm
  
  Learning to breathe
  I'm learning to crawl
  I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
  I'm living again, awake and alive
  I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
  
  Hello, good morning, how you been?
  Yesterday left my head kicked in
  I never, never thought that 
  I would fall like that
  Never knew that I could hurt this bad
  
  So this is the way that I say I need You
  This is the way that I say I love You
  This is the way that I say I'm Yours
  This is the way, this is the way"

- Learning to Breathe by Switchfoot.



Yes I know, not the greatest tune ever but..... the lyrics really capture me.
And really I'd rather a song with meaning than a song with a fantastic melody but with zero meaning and significance.
I remember I never used to like this song because when i was young, melody was what stood out to me when it came to music as with most people, hence it really didn't catch on.
I never knew why people liked this song.
Until now.
I guess, there really is a season for everything (all in good timing... yes?) and we are all going through different (yet i would say similar) seasons in life.

But for me, as corny as this may be, I guess I am just learning to breathe (on another level).
Aren't we all on some level and in some sense?

It's a Paradox

At the heart of art is science, and at the heart of science is art.

hmm... i should keep a book on paradoxes uncovered.

I love this guy.

THIS. IS. WHAT. I. KEEP. SAYING.



THANK-YOU.
Sorry I hate to get all you know (Rant-ti-li-cious) but really.... this guy took the words right outta my mouth.
(claps hands, nods head)

I hate how the natural-custodians-of-me, keep telling me that this (always some strange product which I will somehow find invariably repulsive) is 'good for you (me)' just because they read about it somewhere (chain mails included).
(ya 'studies have shown' is a credible phrase right)
And the worse is, they argue that i don't read enough when I keep questioning their logic (because really to me, some of the things they say are really really scientifically unsound, things that if i were to say during my O level days would freak my Chem and Bio teachers out)
when they are the ones who aren't reading the right things in the first place.
Sigh the system has trained me too well.
What can I say....
But that,
I think going to school makes you an unfilial child.
#just sayin......

calmsation.

love love love love love this song.
calms me.......
John Mayer can put me to sleep anywhere, anyhow, anytime.
Love this song.

Since we know that we all have a disease,

isn't it time for us to start looking for the cure?

hypo-crite.

I think that all humans are hypocrites.
And there are varying degrees and categories of this inherent illness.
The conscious hypocrite and the unconscious hypocrite.

But nonetheless, (despite which of the category you fall under) I think all humans are hypocrites for the same reason: that it is simply just an outward exhibition of the inner conflict that is happening within us.
The conflict between what we want to do, what we know we should do and what we actually end up doing.

So.... i don't really see it much of an insult when someone calls me a hypocrite.
Because, like the fact that i am tall, or i am chinese, i AM a hypocrite.
Being called a hypocrite really isn't an insult as it is a factual statement of reality.
It is nothing more than an admission of reality.
I am a hypocrite is like saying I am Chinese.
It is a fact.
This is the way things are.
It is a fact that so long as I am human, i will continuously war with my fallen human nature.
And of course, i may lose at times.

But this is not to say that i endorse being a hypocrite.
I just think that, a lot of the things we consider as an insult, are simply reflections of the imperfect nature of humans in which it is a reality.

And maybe the fact that we mistake these facts of human nature to be a form of degradation, just proves the degenerate state of the human race.

we really have nothing

but faith if you think about it.

You know...All I want right now, is to be.....

excited about life again.

Sure life can't be a bed of roses or it could be if you considered the thorns roses have..... but....

despite everything, I want to be excited about life again.

It's just like how one of my friend put it so aptly, I want to feel as if the world is 'full of hope' again.

I love that feeling.

I used to have it.

Now..... it's just like a plateau.

Like this.

_________________________________________________________________

Why? I am not sure.

Tsk. Oh wells.

C'est la vie!

By the way, I thought this was felt only by people in their 30s.

Like during their mid-life crisis or something.

WOW.

It CAME EARLY.

(haha!)

Anyways.......

I can't stand not knowing.

Or the inability to understand why.

I just can't stand not knowing the answer to which questions I see myself constantly living out.

Can't. stand. it.

CANNOT TAKE IT.

But apparently, I read somewhere that......

When we want to know the answers so badly, we shortchange ourselves of an opportunity to trust God.

Yup... (nods head)

That was powerful.

Sigh.

Just gotta, to quote my favourite disney show,

"keep the faith.......cause it's all about the climb".

Life is a climb. But the view's great.

Question of the Hour

Wonder if I can train myself to listen to 2 people talking at once. One at each ear.
Always wondered why we couldn't process 2 people talking at once, considering we have 2 ears and 2 parts of the brain. I am sure this can be learnt. Shall try. (haha!) and I'll tell you how that goes.

O yes, btw, have you heard....?
MY. PROMOS. ARE. OVER.
(does happy dance)

this line caught my attention

"you're such an ugly thing for someone so beautiful...." - naive, the kooks.

And all of a sudden....

2011 came and took me by surprise.
Nothing made sense in 2011.
Nothing, absolutely nothing.
Not anything in life nor life in itself.

everyday was a chore.
every moment, an agony.
it was like.... a pain just to be alive.
counting down the hours in school... and even till the end of the day.
every day had no new beginning, every night gave no rest.
days just slipped past.
i never knew what day of the year it was/is. never.
for once, time felt like a continuum.
like i was stuck in this continuum of pain and trouble.
like it was some sort of black hole, all-consuming, demanding everything of me
completely sucked my innards out of me. and in more ways than one.
personality. who i was/am. beliefs. perception of the world. Creation. Creator.
and what any of that really meant in the grand scheme of things.
Suddenly everything i thought i knew of life and everything in it was being deconstructed.
and it was painful.
by gosh did it hurt. still hurts.

and i had to rebuild.

2011 was/is exhausting. no doubt.

but here i am alive, not well, but alive nonetheless.
barely.

i honestly don't know what to make out of all of this.
maybe 10 years down the road i will come, scroll through this blog, find this post and have a good laugh.
maybe. maybe.

ah well, all in good time yes?
and until any of this makes sense....... we'll just keep moving on.
we've just got to soldier on. (as coldplay sings in Lovers in Japan)
while we hang onto the promise that one day the sun will come out



the display of glory outside my window

have no idea what this song means.

maybe it isn't supposed to mean anything, like those little sayings on those 'made in china' stationery... 'life is lucky' or 'dear friend i wish you happiness' (okay maybe i can't do it but you get what i mean) supposed to sound profound but really meaning nothing. (HAHAHA)

Yes.

ever seen those kind of stationery before?

anyways, whatever the case....
this song is pretty friggin awesome.
love the vibes it gives and the video is so tastefully done. PLUS (almost forgot)
Jared Leto's eyes. omg. eyes that would have made hitler proud.

Soooooooo................ i was late for school for the tenth-thousandth time and it went something like this...

Okay so maybe the discipline teacher wasn't indian and I never got expelled....
but the first few lines... wow man... i've gotta say, SURE DO SOUND FAMILIAR.

I love this song.

I'm not surprised
Not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times
I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in,
I talk myself out.
I get all worked up
Then I let myself down.

I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid that I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

Mmmmm ....

I might have to wait
I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing
And the other half's luck
Wherever you are
Whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And baby your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

Hmmmmm ......

And somehow I know that it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

They say all's fair
In love and war
But I won't need to fight it
We'll get it by it
We'll be united

And I know that we can be so amazing
And being in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility

Hmmm .....

And someday I know it'll all turn out
And I'll work to work it out
Promise you kid I'll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get!

Oh you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid to give so much more than I get
Yeah I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet
Oh promise you kid
To give so much more than I get

I said love love love love love love love .....
I just haven't met you yet
Love love love .....
I just haven't met you yet

Can't believe Buble got married.
They look so unbelievably good together.