why i like to make life difficult for myself.

in the Singaporean context, if you do something in which the outcome has no tangible benefits or pragmatic use in relation to daily life but only difficulty in the process, it is called 'making life difficult' for one's self.

one of the many phrases thrown at me throughout this year in particular is, 'why do you like to make life difficult for yourself?' or in otherwords, if a cause has no tangible benefits or pragmatic use in daily life, why bother doing it? OR why are you troubling yourself with something in which you will not be graded on?

now. just imagine, a world in which no one pursued anything which had no tangible benefit to themselves or serve any function in getting on with their daily life.
we would not have discovered the theory of relativity. (or any scientific theory for that matter and all their implications)
we would not the internet.i.e you would not be reading this now.
we would not have lightning conductors. (houses will all be burnt down to the ground especially in Singapore)
we would not know what cancer is.
in short, we would not have progressed.
we would still be in the dark ages, writing on the insides of cave walls, grunting at one another.
it is precisely the spirit of questioning that has got us this far.

the world is the way it is because someone, somewhere, along the lines of history, 'made life difficult' for themselves.

so.... why do i make life 'difficult' for myself...?
as cliche and as high a probability that this might not happen, changing the world in a substantial and positive way is on my life's agenda.

Sometimes i really wonder....

what. on. earth. am. i. doing.
really.
what.

yes there is a time to be lost, a place for confusion.
but seriously, isn't this just. too. much?

we were born into the fight

I want to say that life is worth living.
WORTH living.
despite it all.
despite how transient it all is.
here today and gone the next day.
despite how fragile and temporal everything is.
including the things we place value on.
it is really as the philosopher says in Ecclesiastes, meaningless.

so then, what would make life worth living.
really.
the enjoyment?
fleeting pleasures?
what is the point.
what really is the point of life if it is all going to just fade into nothingness as time goes on.
and for the those with noble ambitions, what is the point of going down in history and being remembered if the impact you are going to make is only going to last as long as the lifespan of an average person? yes that person will fade away someday too.
and although there might be repercussions on future generations, if future generations are just going to die off (yes its one whole self-repeating cycle), what then is the inherent value of that?
what is the point?
eventually everything dies off.... no?
what is the point of enriching the whole human race if they are going to die out individually, and eventually?
there is no true value in that if you think about it.

And in order for life to be worth living, there has to be some true value in it.
And as we have already agreed, true value cannot have an expiry date.
If not it cannot be considered true value.
Therefore, this means we acknowledge that in order for something to be of true value, it has to be timeless. not restricted by time. it has to last.

Hence the only way in which this life would ever make sense and thereafter be worth living is when we have an eternal cause that we are living for. something that will defy the barriers of time. something that will last. and i mean forever. Yes i know forever is hard to comprehend, sorry i mean it is impossible to comprehend because as we are now in the human state, we are limited, finite beings so obviously there is no way we are going to comprehend forever.
But how about imagining. i think we'll probably have better 'luck' with that.

Reason begets Being. (what i took away from school of thought's lecture)

It sometimes really amazes me how logical people think they are, what with their lives and everything but yet make zero sense when it comes to the purpose of their existence.
And by this i mean...they have to make sense of everything in their lives but they do not make sense of their life in totality. which is really kinda ironic.
because that is like saying there must be a reason why there are road signs on the road but no reason why there are roads.
Well i say.... reason begets being.
it is a simple logic really.
just look around you.
for everything that you see, there is a reason why it exists.
a pen, to write.
an eraser, to erase.
a rubik's cube (being), to exercise one's brain (reason).
nothing exists for no reason.
likewise, we came into being, (were born into this world, survived pregnancy and possibly a 1001 disasters that could have happened to us) because of a reason.
we were born out of a purpose and a reason.
and obviously this suggests a higher power, a supreme being who had a reason for us to come into being just like the way a pen came into being because we wanted (reason) to write.

unfortunately unlike a belt or a guitar, the reason in which we exist is not quite as clear.
why do humans exist?
well... go figure.
haha.
but i would say that there is a generic reason in which we exist, and there is a specific reason in which we exist.
just like the way words exist to carry a message, and how each word adds a different flavour to the message/story.

we are words in a story.
the true meaning of our existence is dependent on an external reason by something greater than ourselves and this is the only way that such a short life could ever possibly make sense, and therefore this makes life worth living.

Will there ever come a time/place where questioning is wrong?

I am sure you must have heard that too much of a good thing is a bad thing.
Well, what about the neutral things? like questioning?
Will there ever come a time when questioning becomes.... wrong? or invalid or out of place?
Heh. How ironic for this is a question in itself.

Can't get enough of this

I dont mean to be a beliber (however you spell it) but... i really can't get enough of this.
His rendition of this song is just so good.
Plus he's really cute here.
And i dont mean this like.... in the whole 'OMG HE'S SO CUTE.' gush gush gush kind of thing.
I mean cute as in... child-like kind of cute.
And i think that's what sets him apart from many other teens who can also sing.
He is just being him and doing what he loves best.
Sigh it must be quite the experience being this famous at 17.
Golly i would just go with it if i were him too. heh.

i am thinking....

you know how when people are in the same or similar situations you would say that they are 'in the same boat'?

well, i've realised recently that there are many people on my boat.
and you would think that since that there are so many people on my boat, i/we wouldnt feel so bad, except that the boat i am on is completely silent.

Sometimes even if you are in a similar situation as someone, or maybe because you are in a similar situation as that someone or someones, you realise you have nothing to say.
no advice to offer.
no direction to give.
maybe the most you can do is offer a sense of silent comfort.
the kind of comfort that says 'i know what you are going through, i am right here with you' without really saying anything.

i am on the same boat as so many others, but it's a really silent boat.
we are on the same quiet boat in a raging storm.
and hopefully, it isnt sinking.
but on the other hand if it does sink, at least it will force us to learn how to swim. (i can't swim)



The RMS Titanic.

You know i just watched the movie Titanic. Loved/love it.
And i think to myself, maybe being on a sinking ship isnt so bad after all.
Jack encountered true (well) love. Never before experienced in his vagabond existence. even right through the end, he stayed through to his convictions of life being one grand adventure. he was consistent from his beginning till his end.
And rose, well rose found life in her near death experience. freedom from expectations. from societal norms. from marrying a guy and into a life that wasn't her.
Titanic, a disaster to most, was the best thing that could have ever happened to them.

not all disasters are catastrophic after all eh?
what is your titanic?

some covoluted thoughts on money and the meaning of value.

I think one of the main flaws that came with the great invention of the modern monetary system is the misplacement and misunderstanding of value by society.

Of what constitutes value.

You see, because value in itself is a highly subjective and ambiguous thing/concept to begin with, (something that the human mind has constantly struggled with), the modern monetary system unofficially and highly inadequately filled in this gap by arbitrary defining value for purely pragmatic reasons when it was created and hence, has from then on become (more or less) the standard for value. Or in the other words, we took price=value.

(wow i am so...un...understandable.... pls pardon the convoluted and incoherent writing and i hope you get my drift.)

But if you think about it (ha i am told i use this phrase a lot), how accurate is this? and how logical is this really?

Economics 101, tells us that a price arises from the interaction between forces of demand and supply. This means that we if were to take the value of something to be as the price states it to be, the average consumer or person in society defines value as according to how much a supplier is willing to sell it at and how much a buyer is willing to purchase it at. (of course this sch of thought already assumes price=value)

What this really means is that i am taking a strangers' perception of value of an object and adopting it as my own. (this could be liken to adopting a stranger's favourite colour to be your favourite colour, which one would normally consider.... rather absurd)

And then if you deconstruct the money=value thing, you'd realise how inequitable/absurd the monetary system can be.

For eg, who decided that food=a price, if food is the thing that sustains human life?
Or in another sense,
With S$3.90, i can either buy a plate of chicken rice (if you are an international reader, this is basically a Singaporean local favourite dish... you should try it sometime) or a pilot pen.
Now, how is that equitable?
On one hand you have an object that satisfies (as according to maslow's hierarchy of needs) your most basic needs, yet on the other you have an object that is a tool that you use to express the highest form of need you have. (creativity...etc... self-actualisation essentially)
But then you would probably say, to each his/her own. Or rather ... to each his/her own need.
Yeah i guess, but.... i don't know.
It just.... doesnt feel right/equitable.

Anywhos... I just feel that with society placing so much emphasis on the tangible and the economy, we have abandoned the meaning of value to the monetary system. I suspect it is partly because we did not have a good and solid idea of what value meant in the beginning and secondly because we're just lazy, superficial crowd-followers. Hence, we abandoned it to the monetary system. Hmmm and maybe because we are devotees of the monetary system as well.

To me, true value is intangible.
True value is priceless. And this should not even be ironic as it so often comes across as nowadays.
The reason why this is so is because we have so closely yet erroneously associated value=price.

Value is subjective.
Value doesn't/shouldn't come with a standardised number.
Value is personal.
Value is what the entity means to you.

And i think the greatest disproof of value=price or price=value is what we consider most valuable in our lives.

Joy.
Love.
Peace.
Security.
And the people who embody these attributes.
People like our friends. siblings. Parents.
Human relations.

Value.
what is value?

I think value is an infinite concept.
Something immeasurable if you really want to stay true to what value really means.
Ergo, it cannot be contained to an arbitrary number, just like the way you can never ever name a price for a human relationship (friendship, parent-child). <-- (assuming you are not into human-trafficking)
Value should therefore also be timeless.
If the value of something can depreciate over time, then..... that would make the nature of that object's value rather low or superficial in the first place. (since it is liable to change over time)

Shouldn't true value be a constant?
Or maybe it should be an ever-increasing thing, kinda like the universe.
I don't know.

'The regard that something is held to deserve; the importance or preciousness of something' - google's def of value. Hmmm.... have to agree with this one. (for now)

One of the reasons why my father (parents) do what they do.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot.
Missionary to Ecuador.

How's this for tape sculpturing?

YES THIS IS A SLIDE YOU CAN ACTUALLY RIDE ON.
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
HOW COOL IS THAT MANXZXZXZXZNSFKBSDJBDDBDSJHBDJSBFJHB

recently i took an amateur class in school (part of some post-promos prog) on tape sculpturing.
I sculpt my nalgene bottle. (haha)
have you seen it?



in case you havent.
HAHA.
in comparison to the above pics, this is just.........................zzzz.............

anyways, HOW. COOL. IS. THAT. RIGHT. (not talking about my bottle sculpture of course and i know i said this already)
it was done by an european group of designers called, 'numen'.
omg. someone ship me to europe already
all the cool art/design stuff are happening there...
i am MISSING.OUT.
oh wells theres always the internet.
NO. not enough. it isnt enough. (haah i am talking to myself)

k anyways if you wanna find out more about them check this out.

ciao!

I never got why people love nigahiga. I DO NOW.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA

FINALLY.
Somebody feels the same way as i do.
"THAT AWKWARD MOMENT"is becoming SUCH an overused phrase, i almost cringe when i hear it now.

Pride is an easily-disguised thing.

Supercilious. Arrogant. Haughty. Conceited. Disdainful. Condescending.
me.


but if you're observant enough, the signs are all there.

The Hard Truth.

I guess the Truth is always easier to say when it isn't for you.
When it is for you, it's..... humbling.

And the worst thing is when you tell someone something,
And as much as it is for them, it is also for you.
It's like you telling you what to do/what you need to hear.
Our subconscious mind has a funny way of telling out conscious mind what to do.
And then you'll feel like crap cause you just feel like a major hypocrite.
But i guess when put into perspective, when you tell someone something it doesn't mean that you have got it all figured out.
The judge that trials criminals is not righteous either, although the world expects him to be.
The judge is human too.
The policeman is not immune to committing crimes himself.
Caught in a cross-fire and he bleeds.
He's human too.
Prone to everything we are prone to.
Similarly, just because you say something, does not make you an expert.
It just means that you recognise the value of it and are nothing but an acknowledged fellow learner.
We are all learners.
Everyday we wake and it is impossible to go through the day without having learnt something new.

Learning is a process.
Change is a process.

Let's all just take in the reality of the human condition and learn to cut everyone including ourselves some slack.

We are all still learning, changing, works in progress.

Results/Uberly-Long-Breaks/PW,OP/Training/Frolick

Yeap. So... that's pretty much how my day went today.

I didn't really feel much when i got back my results today.
Results that i would have found appalling the same time last year.
I am......a completely different person. (good thing bad thing.... i dont know)
I failed 2 H2 subjects, History and Econs .
But i guess, i didnt/dont feel anything much cause..... i expected it. (ah.. the power of expectations)

Yet, of course i did feel something when i first got back my paper.
It's just like what i told my friend today.
There will always be this gap between what we expect and when we actually feel it when it happens.
But it wasnt that bad. Which was... rather surprising to me actually. (haha)
I have grown to become rather non-chalent. These days especially.....
And i think i didnt/dont really take it that hard cause.... i dont really know what i want.
Yupp. Still figuring that one out.
I guess it's like if you have no direction, you wouldn't mind getting lost. (ha!)
Ahh.... life..... it's such a funny thing.
I've learnt to take things whatever they may be, and come what may, in my stride.
And to enjoy the journey whilst i am at it all.
I mean.... might as well right.... (heheh)
Ah.... i have the perfect word for this in chinese, 看的开.
That is what i have accomplished.

Okay, either that or.... i am completely delusional. (HAHA)
Mmmmm...... but no.... people in school keep/kept asking me why i was so laxed about it and i told them that i could either be delusional (like this is all just a dream/nightmare) or i have learnt to let it go, and they were all like.... i think you're delusional.
I guess that's because going with delusional makes for a more humorous conversation but mainly because.... I guess they assume i want to promote.
I.... I dont know if i want to promote to be honest.
I dont see the point in rushing a national exam if you are simply just not ready for it.
You are ruining yourself.
Your future.
And you would have wasted 2 years instead of 1 if you had stayed back.
Now that, is the real delusional. Thinking that you will be able to make it when in actual fact, your results suggests otherwise.
Delusional and a little self-destructive too actually, come to think about it.
See. the thing about A Levels is that you cant just scrap pass, no-no you have to get your As, if not you'll invariably end up in a course that society deems crappy or you deem crappy.
And then, you will end up in a career that is crappy.
Yeap, talk about repercussion.
Sheesh.

sigh.
I don't know.
I really don't.
For once in my life, I. don't. know.
Life to me now... is just a huge Question Mark.
Like this:


?



They say... a way to make God laugh is to tell Him your plans for your future.
This made me laugh. Still does.
I just watched grey's anatomy (as a way to unwind from an otherwise tiresome day to say the least), and it ended of with this line, "smooth rides make for boring stories.... a little calamity... that's worth talking about".

I guess it's time to turn over to the One that has all the answers and knows.
'I don't know' is perhaps the most realistic and honest statement a human could ever make.
And.... intelligent too, ironically (heh).
i don't know. but, what i do know is, He knows.
And that is enough.
Isn't it?

Brooke Fraser is probably The most romantic singer/songwriter ever.

Okay this fan made video is really bad so just.... click play, listen and follow the lyrics below.



Your eyes are full
Full of the future of us
The air changes as you look across
At me in that wondering way

It is as if
I knew you before we spoke
Do our hearts know something we don't?
Conspiring, converging without giving us any say

You, sing me to sleep
Talk down my walls
Look through my windows as I wait
You could be the thief
I give the key to

You're ruining me
With secrets and gestures and looks
With sonnets from second-hand books
Playing the chords in me nobody knew how to play

It fits in your hand like water in rain
It unlocks our two different selves
And shows we are the same
Rather than wait `til I put me out for the taking
You're breaking
You're breaking
You're breaking into my heart
And I'm letting you

'Kopped' from Someone else's blog.....

I think I was googling for images of random things when i serendipitously stumbled on this person's blog. I really like her blog. (I think it's a her)
And this post, this one post spoke to me because it is exactly how I feel, and she put it so... so... so... (okay not to sound mercenary-ish but) she is right on the money.

So.
If by some random stroke of serendipity, you (the author) so happenstancely are reading this...
Please don't sue me or anything. I have credited you and you should be honoured on the contrary that I am reposting your post because it has touched someone else's life (mine namely and possibly the next person reading this other than me).

Alright, enough disclaimering, here is the post:

God is not a vegetable.

Posted in epiphany tiffany, handfuls of ambition, pin the tail on the love by enisea on 02/09/2011

As sunshine began streaming through the cold glass windows of our lounge room, so too did revelation. As I wrote on a blank new page this fine second morning of Spring, the flow of my thoughts and ink were, by habit, about to write: Be my everything (out of some frustrated lack of desire and understanding). Yet it occurred to me that my everything has never been enough, my everything is lacking, my everything is deprived and deficient. I definitely need more than my everything if I want life to be richer and fuller. It made me realise I had been treating God as though He were as good for me as vegetables. Though I go through binge periods of glutton faced junk and pointless gorging, I always return to ‘incorporating’ vegetables into the diet because I know they’re good for me, I don’t know the nitty gritty of how the different nutrients within each vegetable is absorbed, processed and then assists my body in functioning healthily, but I know it’s good for my insides and consequently also, my outsides. So, previously, I may have sounded like an ‘advocate’ for something of a ‘healthy lifestyle’, reducing the sovereignty or transcendence of incredible God to simply being convinced that everyone would be healthier with Him in life. Sure, of late, I’ve begun to actually enjoy vegetables – but if I really wanted to discover a wonderful reality and relationship, God needs to be more than just “a healthy thing that I appreciate”.

So, I suppose, little by little I’m peeling back the shades of my young understanding to reveal very gradually the brilliance of reality – that God isn’t just good for making me a healthier person, character wise. He is the essence of life and life to the full. So in appropriate response to this, to Him, the most I can manage to return is worship – unconfined to music and dance, but in spirit and in truth, and through and through – that which will become instinctual but that which will definitely cost me. But really, what is cost when life is free?

Far be it from me to offer to my greatest lover, my most generous giver, that which costs me nothing.

Hear hear.