Yeap. So... that's pretty much how my day went today.
I didn't really feel much when i got back my results today.
Results that i would have found appalling the same time last year.
I am......a completely different person. (good thing bad thing.... i dont know)
I failed 2 H2 subjects, History and Econs .
But i guess, i didnt/dont feel anything much cause..... i expected it. (ah.. the power of expectations)
Yet, of course i did feel something when i first got back my paper.
It's just like what i told my friend today.
There will always be this gap between what we expect and when we actually feel it when it happens.
But it wasnt that bad. Which was... rather surprising to me actually. (haha)
I have grown to become rather non-chalent. These days especially.....
And i think i didnt/dont really take it that hard cause.... i dont really know what i want.
Yupp. Still figuring that one out.
I guess it's like if you have no direction, you wouldn't mind getting lost. (ha!)
Ahh.... life..... it's such a funny thing.
I've learnt to take things whatever they may be, and come what may, in my stride.
And to enjoy the journey whilst i am at it all.
I mean.... might as well right.... (heheh)
Ah.... i have the perfect word for this in chinese, 看的开.
That is what i have accomplished.
Okay, either that or.... i am completely delusional. (HAHA)
Mmmmm...... but no.... people in school keep/kept asking me why i was so laxed about it and i told them that i could either be delusional (like this is all just a dream/nightmare) or i have learnt to let it go, and they were all like.... i think you're delusional.
I guess that's because going with delusional makes for a more humorous conversation but mainly because.... I guess they assume i want to promote.
I.... I dont know if i want to promote to be honest.
I dont see the point in rushing a national exam if you are simply just not ready for it.
You are ruining yourself.
Your future.
And you would have wasted 2 years instead of 1 if you had stayed back.
Now that, is the real delusional. Thinking that you will be able to make it when in actual fact, your results suggests otherwise.
Delusional and a little self-destructive too actually, come to think about it.
See. the thing about A Levels is that you cant just scrap pass, no-no you have to get your As, if not you'll invariably end up in a course that society deems crappy or you deem crappy.
And then, you will end up in a career that is crappy.
Yeap, talk about repercussion.
Sheesh.
sigh.
I don't know.
I really don't.
For once in my life, I. don't. know.
Life to me now... is just a huge Question Mark.
Like this:
?
They say... a way to make God laugh is to tell Him your plans for your future.
This made me laugh. Still does.
I just watched grey's anatomy (as a way to unwind from an otherwise tiresome day to say the least), and it ended of with this line, "smooth rides make for boring stories.... a little calamity... that's worth talking about".
I guess it's time to turn over to the One that has all the answers and knows.
'I don't know' is perhaps the most realistic and honest statement a human could ever make.
And.... intelligent too, ironically (heh).
i don't know. but, what i do know is, He knows.
And that is enough.
Isn't it?
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