YES THIS IS A SLIDE YOU CAN ACTUALLY RIDE ON. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOW COOL IS THAT MANXZXZXZXZNSFKBSDJBDDBDSJHBDJSBFJHB
recently i took an amateur class in school (part of some post-promos prog) on tape sculpturing. I sculpt my nalgene bottle. (haha) have you seen it?
in case you havent. HAHA. in comparison to the above pics, this is just.........................zzzz.............
anyways, HOW. COOL. IS. THAT. RIGHT. (not talking about my bottle sculpture of course and i know i said this already) it was done by an european group of designers called, 'numen'. omg. someone ship me to europe already all the cool art/design stuff are happening there... i am MISSING.OUT. oh wells theres always the internet. NO. not enough. it isnt enough. (haah i am talking to myself)
k anyways if you wanna find out more about them check this out.
I guess the Truth is always easier to say when it isn't for you. When it is for you, it's..... humbling.
And the worst thing is when you tell someone something, And as much as it is for them, it is also for you. It's like you telling you what to do/what you need to hear. Our subconscious mind has a funny way of telling out conscious mind what to do. And then you'll feel like crap cause you just feel like a major hypocrite. But i guess when put into perspective, when you tell someone something it doesn't mean that you have got it all figured out. The judge that trials criminals is not righteous either, although the world expects him to be. The judge is human too. The policeman is not immune to committing crimes himself. Caught in a cross-fire and he bleeds. He's human too. Prone to everything we are prone to. Similarly, just because you say something, does not make you an expert. It just means that you recognise the value of it and are nothing but an acknowledged fellow learner. We are all learners. Everyday we wake and it is impossible to go through the day without having learnt something new.
Learning is a process. Change is a process.
Let's all just take in the reality of the human condition and learn to cut everyone including ourselves some slack.
We are all still learning, changing, works in progress.
Yeap. So... that's pretty much how my day went today.
I didn't really feel much when i got back my results today. Results that i would have found appalling the same time last year. I am......a completely different person. (good thing bad thing.... i dont know) I failed 2 H2 subjects, History and Econs . But i guess, i didnt/dont feel anything much cause..... i expected it. (ah.. the power of expectations)
Yet, of course i did feel something when i first got back my paper. It's just like what i told my friend today. There will always be this gap between what we expect and when we actually feel it when it happens. But it wasnt that bad. Which was... rather surprising to me actually. (haha) I have grown to become rather non-chalent. These days especially..... And i think i didnt/dont really take it that hard cause.... i dont really know what i want. Yupp. Still figuring that one out. I guess it's like if you have no direction, you wouldn't mind getting lost. (ha!) Ahh.... life..... it's such a funny thing. I've learnt to take things whatever they may be, and come what may, in my stride. And to enjoy the journey whilst i am at it all. I mean.... might as well right.... (heheh) Ah.... i have the perfect word for this in chinese, 看的开. That is what i have accomplished.
Okay, either that or.... i am completely delusional. (HAHA) Mmmmm...... but no.... people in school keep/kept asking me why i was so laxed about it and i told them that i could either be delusional (like this is all just a dream/nightmare) or i have learnt to let it go, and they were all like.... i think you're delusional. I guess that's because going with delusional makes for a more humorous conversation but mainly because.... I guess they assume i want to promote. I.... I dont know if i want to promote to be honest. I dont see the point in rushing a national exam if you are simply just not ready for it. You are ruining yourself. Your future. And you would have wasted 2 years instead of 1 if you had stayed back. Now that, is the real delusional. Thinking that you will be able to make it when in actual fact, your results suggests otherwise. Delusional and a little self-destructive too actually, come to think about it. See. the thing about A Levels is that you cant just scrap pass, no-no you have to get your As, if not you'll invariably end up in a course that society deems crappy or you deem crappy. And then, you will end up in a career that is crappy. Yeap, talk about repercussion. Sheesh.
sigh. I don't know. I really don't. For once in my life, I. don't. know. Life to me now... is just a huge Question Mark. Like this:
?
They say... a way to make God laugh is to tell Him your plans for your future. This made me laugh. Still does. I just watched grey's anatomy (as a way to unwind from an otherwise tiresome day to say the least), and it ended of with this line, "smooth rides make for boring stories.... a little calamity... that's worth talking about".
I guess it's time to turn over to the One that has all the answers and knows. 'I don't know' is perhaps the most realistic and honest statement a human could ever make. And.... intelligent too, ironically (heh). i don't know. but, what i do know is, He knows. And that is enough. Isn't it?
Okay this fan made video is really bad so just.... click play, listen and follow the lyrics below.
Your eyes are full Full of the future of us The air changes as you look across At me in that wondering way
It is as if I knew you before we spoke Do our hearts know something we don't? Conspiring, converging without giving us any say
You, sing me to sleep Talk down my walls Look through my windows as I wait You could be the thief I give the key to
You're ruining me With secrets and gestures and looks With sonnets from second-hand books Playing the chords in me nobody knew how to play
It fits in your hand like water in rain It unlocks our two different selves And shows we are the same Rather than wait `til I put me out for the taking You're breaking You're breaking You're breaking into my heart And I'm letting you
I think I was googling for images of random things when i serendipitously stumbled on this person's blog. I really like her blog. (I think it's a her) And this post, this one post spoke to me because it is exactly how I feel, and she put it so... so... so... (okay not to sound mercenary-ish but) sheis right on the money.
So. If by some random stroke of serendipity, you (the author) so happenstancely are reading this... Please don't sue me or anything. I have credited you and you should be honoured on the contrary that I am reposting your post because it has touched someone else's life (mine namely and possibly the next person reading this other than me).
As sunshine began streaming through the cold glass windows of our lounge room, so too did revelation. As I wrote on a blank new page this fine second morning of Spring, the flow of my thoughts and ink were, by habit, about to write: Be my everything (out of some frustrated lack of desire and understanding). Yet it occurred to me that my everything has never been enough, my everything is lacking, my everything is deprived and deficient. I definitely need more than my everything if I want life to be richer and fuller. It made me realise I had been treating God as though He were as good for me as vegetables. Though I go through binge periods of glutton faced junk and pointless gorging, I always return to ‘incorporating’ vegetables into the diet because I know they’re good for me, I don’t know the nitty gritty of how the different nutrients within each vegetable is absorbed, processed and then assists my body in functioning healthily, but I know it’s good for my insides and consequently also, my outsides. So, previously, I may have sounded like an ‘advocate’ for something of a ‘healthy lifestyle’, reducing the sovereignty or transcendence of incredible God to simply being convinced that everyone would be healthier with Him in life. Sure, of late, I’ve begun to actually enjoy vegetables – but if I really wanted to discover a wonderful reality and relationship, God needs to be more than just “a healthy thing that I appreciate”.
So, I suppose, little by little I’m peeling back the shades of my young understanding to reveal very gradually the brilliance of reality – that God isn’t just good for making me a healthier person, character wise. He is the essence of life and life to the full. So in appropriate response to this, to Him, the most I can manage to return is worship – unconfined to music and dance, but in spirit and in truth, and through and through – that which will become instinctual but that which will definitely cost me. But really, what is cost when life is free?
Far be it from me to offer to my greatest lover, my most generous giver, that which costs me nothing.
Wow. 2011. I have never ever learnt so much before in a year. 365 days (okay maybe not 365 since the year's not over yet but....ya you get what i mean i am sure)
And the funny thing is, you don't plan to learn, you just do. As with most things in life, it. just.happens. Life sure has a funny way of making you learn. Of making you grow. Maybe because if we were given a choice, we naturally, being comfortable-with-status-quo-humans-scared-completely-out-of-our-wits-of-the-unknown, wouldn't want to grow. Why? Because true growth invariably means pain. Yes. Pain, as in suffering as in.... it, hurts. And sometimes, real bad. Like you never knew you could hurt this bad. And who likes pain really.... If you do, you simple aren't human. But by golly, how. pain. makes. you. grow.
I can fully and honestly say that as of 17 years of life on this earth, I have not gone through a year more painful than 2011. And this also means that I have never gone through a year where I have learnt so much... so much about life, love, faith, friendship, relationship and all that really is truly important in life. I have never felt myself grow this much. I guess.... my maturity finally caught up to my height. (ha-ha)
I never questioned so furiously before, never thought so long and hard before, never felt so low before and never struggled so fiercely in my life before. But really, through it all (am still journeying... not totally out of the woods yet. haha) I realised that it has brought me to a greater, deeper and a more real understanding of myself. It will really tear you up when you realise that all that was previously assumed (and we really assume a lot of things in life) was what it was.... really just an assumption, not the truth.
I guess this is what it means to grow up. To slowly deconstruct, forcefully strip away or to tear down the assumptions of life, and all that was built upon it so that reconstruction can take place. We need to rebuild. To rebuild with the Truth as the anchor. As the foundation. As the solid ground on which we build our lives on. The truth of who we are. We need to replace ignorance with knowledge. Bitterness with forgiveness. Sorrow with Joy. Skeptism with Faith. Apathy with Empathy Despair with Hope. And of course, the greatest amongst these, to replace fear of the unknown in life, with Love. With Love, you have complete security. There is no fear in love for Perfect Love drives out all fear. (seriously gospel Truth) And obviously, perfection can never ever be found amongst humanity, it has to come from something, Someone bigger than us.
This is the part where we relearn how to live life. How to truly live life beyond the physical. Beyond the contraction and relaxation of the diaphragm and the intercoastal muscles... Because there will come a time whether now or later that you will inevitably wonder what those involuntary actions actually mean, what are we physically alive for.............. This is the part where we learn how to live out a meaning, purpose and a destiny. (whoa starting to sound like an adam khoo but yeah....)
I love this song. The lyrics are so good. so meaningful. so apt for this season in life. It goes like this.....
"Hello, good morning, how you do? What makes your rising sun so new? I could use a fresh beginning too All of my regrets are nothing new So this is the way that I say I need You This is the way This is the way that I'm Learning to breathe I'm learning to crawl I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall I'm living again, awake and alive I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies Hello, good morning, how you been? Yesterday left my head kicked in I never, never thought that I would fall like that Never knew that I could hurt this bad So this is the way that I say I need You This is the way that I say I love You This is the way that I say I'm Yours This is the way, this is the way"
- Learning to Breathe by Switchfoot.
Yes I know, not the greatest tune ever but..... the lyrics really capture me. And really I'd rather a song with meaning than a song with a fantastic melody but with zero meaning and significance. I remember I never used to like this song because when i was young, melody was what stood out to me when it came to music as with most people, hence it really didn't catch on. I never knew why people liked this song. Until now. I guess, there really is a season for everything (all in good timing... yes?) and we are all going through different (yet i would say similar) seasons in life.
But for me, as corny as this may be, I guess I am just learning to breathe (on another level). Aren't we all on some level and in some sense?
THANK-YOU. Sorry I hate to get all you know (Rant-ti-li-cious) but really.... this guy took the words right outta my mouth. (claps hands, nods head)
I hate how the natural-custodians-of-me, keep telling me that this (always some strange product which I will somehow find invariably repulsive) is 'good for you (me)' just because they read about it somewhere (chain mails included). (ya 'studies have shown' is a credible phrase right) And the worse is, they argue that i don't read enough when I keep questioning their logic (because really to me, some of the things they say are really really scientifically unsound, things that if i were to say during my O level days would freak my Chem and Bio teachers out) when they are the ones who aren't reading the right things in the first place. Sigh the system has trained me too well. What can I say.... But that, I think going to school makes you an unfilial child. #just sayin......
I think that all humans are hypocrites. And there are varying degrees and categories of this inherent illness. The conscious hypocrite and the unconscious hypocrite.
But nonetheless, (despite which of the category you fall under) I think all humans are hypocrites for the same reason: that it is simply just an outward exhibition of the inner conflict that is happening within us. The conflict between what we want to do, what we know we should do and what we actually end up doing.
So.... i don't really see it much of an insult when someone calls me a hypocrite. Because, like the fact that i am tall, or i am chinese, i AM a hypocrite. Being called a hypocrite really isn't an insult as it is a factual statement of reality. It is nothing more than an admission of reality. I am a hypocrite is like saying I am Chinese. It is a fact. This is the way things are. It is a fact that so long as I am human, i will continuously war with my fallen human nature. And of course, i may lose at times.
But this is not to say that i endorse being a hypocrite. I just think that, a lot of the things we consider as an insult, are simply reflections of the imperfect nature of humans in which it is a reality.
And maybe the fact that we mistake these facts of human nature to be a form of degradation, just proves the degenerate state of the human race.
Wonder if I can train myself to listen to 2 people talking at once. One at each ear. Always wondered why we couldn't process 2 people talking at once, considering we have 2 ears and 2 parts of the brain. I am sure this can be learnt. Shall try. (haha!) and I'll tell you how that goes.
O yes, btw, have you heard....? MY. PROMOS. ARE. OVER. (does happy dance)
2011 came and took me by surprise. Nothing made sense in 2011. Nothing, absolutely nothing. Not anything in life nor life in itself.
everyday was a chore. every moment, an agony. it was like.... a pain just to be alive. counting down the hours in school... and even till the end of the day. every day had no new beginning, every night gave no rest. days just slipped past. i never knew what day of the year it was/is. never. for once, time felt like a continuum. like i was stuck in this continuum of pain and trouble. like it was some sort of black hole, all-consuming, demanding everything of me completely sucked my innards out of me. and in more ways than one. personality. who i was/am. beliefs. perception of the world. Creation. Creator. and what any of that really meant in the grand scheme of things. Suddenly everything i thought i knew of life and everything in it was being deconstructed. and it was painful. by gosh did it hurt. still hurts.
and i had to rebuild.
2011 was/is exhausting. no doubt.
but here i am alive, not well, but alive nonetheless. barely.
i honestly don't know what to make out of all of this. maybe 10 years down the road i will come, scroll through this blog, find this post and have a good laugh. maybe. maybe.
ah well, all in good time yes? and until any of this makes sense....... we'll just keep moving on. we've just got to soldier on. (as coldplay sings in Lovers in Japan) while we hang onto the promise that one day the sun will come out
maybe it isn't supposed to mean anything, like those little sayings on those 'made in china' stationery... 'life is lucky' or 'dear friend i wish you happiness' (okay maybe i can't do it but you get what i mean) supposed to sound profound but really meaning nothing. (HAHAHA)
Yes.
ever seen those kind of stationery before?
anyways, whatever the case.... this song is pretty friggin awesome. love the vibes it gives and the video is so tastefully done. PLUS (almost forgot) Jared Leto's eyes. omg. eyes that would have made hitler proud.
