it's that time of the year again when i start to get all reflective....

Wow.
2011.
I have never ever learnt so much before in a year. 365 days (okay maybe not 365 since the year's not over yet but....ya you get what i mean i am sure)

And the funny thing is, you don't plan to learn, you just do. As with most things in life, it. just. happens.
Life sure has a funny way of making you learn. Of making you grow.
Maybe because if we were given a choice, we naturally, being comfortable-with-status-quo-humans-scared-completely-out-of-our-wits-of-the-unknown, wouldn't want to grow.
Why?
Because true growth invariably means pain.
Yes. Pain, as in suffering as in.... it, hurts.
And sometimes, real bad. Like you never knew you could hurt this bad.
And who likes pain really....
If you do, you simple aren't human.
But by golly, how. pain. makes. you. grow.

I can fully and honestly say that as of 17 years of life on this earth, I have not gone through a year more painful than 2011.
And this also means that I have never gone through a year where I have learnt so much... so much about life, love, faith, friendship, relationship and all that really is truly important in life.
I have never felt myself grow this much.
I guess.... my maturity finally caught up to my height. (ha-ha)

I never questioned so furiously before, never thought so long and hard before, never felt so low before and never struggled so fiercely in my life before.
But really, through it all (am still journeying... not totally out of the woods yet. haha) I realised that it has brought me to a greater, deeper and a more real understanding of myself.
It will really tear you up when you realise that all that was previously assumed (and we really assume a lot of things in life) was what it was.... really just an assumption, not the truth.

I guess this is what it means to grow up.
To slowly deconstruct, forcefully strip away or to tear down the assumptions of life, and all that was built upon it so that reconstruction can take place. We need to rebuild.
To rebuild with the Truth as the anchor. As the foundation. As the solid ground on which we build our lives on.
The truth of who we are.
We need to replace ignorance with knowledge.
Bitterness with forgiveness.
Sorrow with Joy.
Skeptism with Faith.
Apathy with Empathy
Despair with Hope.
And of course, the greatest amongst these,
to replace fear of the unknown in life, with Love.
With Love, you have complete security.
There is no fear in love for Perfect Love drives out all fear. (seriously gospel Truth)
And obviously, perfection can never ever be found amongst humanity, it has to come from something, Someone bigger than us.

This is the part where we relearn how to live life.
How to truly live life beyond the physical.
Beyond the contraction and relaxation of the diaphragm and the intercoastal muscles...
Because there will come a time whether now or later that you will inevitably wonder what those involuntary actions actually mean, what are we physically alive for..............
This is the part where we learn how to live out a meaning, purpose and a destiny.
(whoa starting to sound like an adam khoo but yeah....)

I love this song.
The lyrics are so good. so meaningful. so apt for this season in life.
It goes like this.....

"Hello, good morning, how you do?
  What makes your rising sun so new?
  I could use a fresh beginning too
  All of my regrets are nothing new
  So this is the way that I say I need You
  This is the way
  This is the way that I'm
  
  Learning to breathe
  I'm learning to crawl
  I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
  I'm living again, awake and alive
  I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
  
  Hello, good morning, how you been?
  Yesterday left my head kicked in
  I never, never thought that 
  I would fall like that
  Never knew that I could hurt this bad
  
  So this is the way that I say I need You
  This is the way that I say I love You
  This is the way that I say I'm Yours
  This is the way, this is the way"

- Learning to Breathe by Switchfoot.



Yes I know, not the greatest tune ever but..... the lyrics really capture me.
And really I'd rather a song with meaning than a song with a fantastic melody but with zero meaning and significance.
I remember I never used to like this song because when i was young, melody was what stood out to me when it came to music as with most people, hence it really didn't catch on.
I never knew why people liked this song.
Until now.
I guess, there really is a season for everything (all in good timing... yes?) and we are all going through different (yet i would say similar) seasons in life.

But for me, as corny as this may be, I guess I am just learning to breathe (on another level).
Aren't we all on some level and in some sense?