Nothing made sense in 2011.
Nothing, absolutely nothing.
Not anything in life nor life in itself.
everyday was a chore.
every moment, an agony.
it was like.... a pain just to be alive.
counting down the hours in school... and even till the end of the day.
every day had no new beginning, every night gave no rest.
days just slipped past.
i never knew what day of the year it was/is. never.
for once, time felt like a continuum.
like i was stuck in this continuum of pain and trouble.
like it was some sort of black hole, all-consuming, demanding everything of me
completely sucked my innards out of me. and in more ways than one.
personality. who i was/am. beliefs. perception of the world. Creation. Creator.
and what any of that really meant in the grand scheme of things.
Suddenly everything i thought i knew of life and everything in it was being deconstructed.
and it was painful.
by gosh did it hurt. still hurts.
and i had to rebuild.
2011 was/is exhausting. no doubt.
but here i am alive, not well, but alive nonetheless.
barely.
i honestly don't know what to make out of all of this.
maybe 10 years down the road i will come, scroll through this blog, find this post and have a good laugh.
maybe. maybe.
ah well, all in good time yes?
and until any of this makes sense....... we'll just keep moving on.
we've just got to soldier on. (as coldplay sings in Lovers in Japan)
while we hang onto the promise that one day the sun will come out
the display of glory outside my window
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